Thursday, May 08, 2008
This is the way that we love, like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our lives, but not together.

Well today as weird. That seems to be the only word I can use to describe today.

I was with my boyfriend tonight and a few nights ago we had a little chat (initiated by him) about how we never spend time alone. How, whenever we are out, we always call friends. So today we passed a mutual friend's house and we didn't go inside, as we usually do. I think both of us wanted to "spend time alone" as previously discussed (not so much because we actually wanted to be alone, but because we thought it was the right thing to do). Of course we didn't actually say to each other "Let's spend some quality time together," because that would have been awkward. Anyway, so off we went to do couple-y things. Shop. And have dinner.

The entire time, I was preoccupied with the whole idea that - this isn't the most fun we could be having. Why are we being alone just because we had a talk about this a few nights ago? Why don't we just do what we normally do and meet up with friends - because I knew he wanted to.

After dinner, we met up with a friend. And I went home to ponder these strange events. Were we alone today because we felt obliged to be?

And that's what I hate. When people do things, because they feel like they should. When we say things, because we feel like they are the right things to say. Who cares if we don't go ice-skating and eat desserts like other people? Who cares if we never talk on the phone? Who cares if we have never seen a movie on our own? We are not other people, and if we're having fun our way - then it doesn't matter right?

Let's not try this again. Let's not force ourselves to be alone for the sake of fitting the couple mould.