wan2be.blogspot.com
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
I've really and truly messed up this time. It's so like me to get angry at the littlest things without thinking about the consequences, just because I feel like it. And unlike the aggressive strategies I used to use, my newly acquired passive-agressive tools are so much more cruel. So much so that I am actually the worst person in the world right now.

MY NAME IS SISI AND I AM THE DESTROYER OF ALL THINGS GOOD.

It doesn't matter that he says he forgives me, not when I cannot forgive myself. He, who has never wronged me intentionally. And I, the destroyer of all things good, find things to be mad at. Then pretend not to be mad, but ignore him and cut him out of the conversation for the ENTIRE LENGTH OF DINNER and more. And still he wants to take me home, and still he does not walk off.

My behaviour tonight was just shocking. Absolutely disgusted with myself. Can I be any worse of a girlfriend? CAN I? POSSIBLY NOT. If you knew what had happened you might wonder: well Sisi how the hell do you sleep at night? And I will wonder with you. Because I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight totally aware that I am forever pushing away good things and good people.